The emotional locus of our wedding anniversary is always the welcome reception at the annual MCMLA Conference. That's where we were married. It was in the program. Kenny O piped us in, the Wabbit read the ceremony in the garden, and we popped the champagne. This year we'll celebrate next Saturday in Cody.
But the legal date, the day that we signed the license, the day that we became official in the eyes of the law (assuming the Wabbit remembered to file the documents) is today. Given our usual fall travel schedule, as often as not we're on the road somewhere when 9/26 rolls around. We've had wonderful anniversary days as far afield as Boston and Salvador and Denver. This year, by the luck of the draw, we're between trips, so we're doing something very special -- taking a vacation day to stay home. We have extravagant plans. Champagne at lunch and movies in bed.
I remember talking with Mark about Lynn, at a hotel bar in San Antonio, in those first months. He said, admiringly, "She has whole cities inside her." Then I loved the poetry of the line, but what sticks with me these many years later is the accuracy. She remains mysterious and mystical to me, a force of nature, beyond understanding.
We are, neither of us, particularly easy people. We are not sociable and are fiercely independent. The first question that we had to wrestle with wasn't: Why would I want to spend my life with you; but, Why would I want to spend my life with anybody? It's a question that the majority of people don't find to be a question.
It seems to have worked out.
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
Rainer Maria Rilke